Losing a parent is a bewildering, lonely experience. Here are the things I wish I had known before
There’ll be exhaustion, love tinged with occasional rage, even moments of black humour. But my mum would want me to tell you: don’t be afraid
TL;DR
- Caring for the dying evokes the same feelings as caring for small children: broken nights, constant vigilance, and exhaustion mixed with love and rage.
- Understanding employers, friends, neighbors, and healthcare staff are crucial for support.
- Moments of dark humor can be found even in the process of dying.
- It's important to know when to advocate for a patient with doctors and when to simply listen.
- Sudden behavioral changes in elderly individuals with clear minds could indicate an underlying infection causing delirium.
- Keep 'bad' photographs as they capture the reality of life lived.
- Respect the dying person's desire to put their house in order, even if it seems illogical to others.
- Be prepared for parents to have had lives and secrets before you existed; read old letters with resilience.
- Death is a unique experience for everyone, and caring for someone through it is like reverse childbirth.
- Grief can begin before death, especially with conditions like dementia.
- Adrenaline may sustain you initially, but kindness can be emotionally overwhelming.
- Do not be afraid of facing the end of a parent's life, and know that you are not alone if you are currently struggling.